Lube up.

Lotion Overhaul

The last lotion update I did was a whilllle ago. I know, slacker, whatever. So since time has gone by I’ve gotten to actually use more of these lotions to be better able to tell you about them. Alright I’m just going to jump right into it and tell you about some of the newest lotions.

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  • Designer Skin Exclusive DreamWear™ Silicone Emulsion helps provide intense hydration, while magically blurring  fine lines to leave skin feeling velvety soft!
  • Culture Shock™ Pearl Infusion contains natural marine minerals to help promote even skin tone and hydration for nourished, younger looking skin
  • Amplified Dark Tanning Intensifier features Angelica Root, that is activated by UVA light, to help develop deep, dark color while it soothes and calms skin
  • Pure Solar Peptides™ and Tyrosine work to deliver a natural, even bronze…Fast!
  • Fragrance: Electric Citrus & Orchid

IMG_2041Kardashian Glow Special Event Bronzer

  • Ultra Rapid Bronzers feature a special blend of DHA, Cocoa and Antioxidants to help promote the ultimate bronze glow in a shorter amount of time.
  • Contour + Highlight Technology features Caffeine to help tone and tighten, while Vitamin C works to help brighten skin, while promoting Collage production.
  • Luxe Silicone Base norishes and hydrates skin, leaving it velvety soft.
  • Sweet and sophisticated Cassis Allure fragrance leaves skin smelling fresh, even hours after tanning!
  • Paraben Free, Hemp Free and Gluten Free.

IMG_2039ComplexIon Step 1

  • Achieve intense, faster-acting and longer lasting sophisticated color with ION Color Technology™
  • C2 Complex™- A complexion correcting complex helps improve skin tone and suppleness by supplying skin with enhanced flexibility and elasticity
  • OxC Technology™ rejuvenates skin cells and provides skin with oxygen to help reduce fine lines and wrinkles
  • Accelerate and build the ultimate golden color with Vitatan®
  • Indulge skin in extreme moisture with Cashmere Extract for the most opulent and flawless glow

IMG_2040ComplexIon Step 2

  • Formulated with Quadringta Duobus [42] Bronzers to deliver a rich, even natural bronze glow
  • C2 Complex™- A complexion correcting complex helps improve skin tone and suppleness by supplying skin with enhanced flexibility and elasticity
  • Achieve intense, faster-acting and longer lasting sophisticated color with ION Color Technology™
  • OxC Technology™ rejuvenates skin cells and provides skin with oxygen to help reduce fine lines and wrinkles
  • CuO2® and TRF™ combine rich ingredients to optimize dark color results
  • Indulge skin in extreme moisture with Cashmere Extract for the most opulent and flawless glow

YOU FUGLY SLUT.

Since today is Wednesday and I’m sure your week, much like mine, has been hectic and busy thus far, if you’re anything like me then you haven’t been keeping up with eating right let alone washing your face how you should. Well WAKE THE FUCK UP and go eat some egg whites and get in the shower (we all know you haven’t had one in like 2 days). Your face is kind of important, I mean it’s the first thing people see when they meet you, unless you’re a male stripper, then well, that’s a different story. Since tanning is damaging to your skin, you’re going to need a great skin care line up to prevent wrinkles, early signs of aging and it’s just good for your skin in general. I personally use Clinique, it’s what works best for me. My skin is honestly very basic (pun intended); it’s not too oily nor too dry (the lady at the Clinique bar will help you pick out the right combination because there are about 7 variants to each step). I also use in conjunction with the Clinique, my Clairsonic. PRAISE JESUS YAAAASSS. It was a little pricey, around $200, but I would trade my first-born child for another one. My face feels so clean and my blackheads, YES I HAVE THEM ON MY NOSE AND CHEEKS OKAY, are starting to diminish and plus it gets the face wash deeper into your pores.

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First step: Scrub off the regret. But be gentle (I don’t use this everyday just once or twice a week).

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Step two: Wash that shit.

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Step three: Tone bitch, tone.

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Step four: Wrinkles aka don’t fucking look at me.

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Step five: Hydration. Just like you or me, for example, your skin gets D-hydrated. I’m talking about moisturizing (or am I). AKA lube the fuck out of your face.

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After everything has dried and your skin has thoroughly absorbed the skin care products, your face is ready and ample to withstand whatever you throw at it. Whether it be baking it in a tanning bed or just facing the day head on. I mean come on, we’re dudes and we don’t get make up so if your face is ugly, you’re fucked. And for those days when your face is dry (much like your sex life) or you have time to kill and want a little pick me up. Getting a facial is always obligatory. Now you can run off and get one at a salon, but those can be expensive (so just use mom’s credit card, duh) or you can do it at home. Some of the face masks that I use are from Clinique but I also use some from Target #PoorCollegeKidProbs.

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What like its hard?

IMG_1699WELLLLLL HELLLO, fuckers. I’m back, and more than ready to blog my nonexistent heart out (schools over and now I have time for activities). The things to come are my new crash diet, being fashionable on a budget, tanning, how to do the gym (because working out is like, hard) and more insight into my day to day life. So once you’re ready (you probably will never be), grab your iPhone, take a seat (fat ass) and prepare your butthole.

Let me bring you up to date on all things that are ME. My life has been a little hectic, finals week fucked me, hard, and I gained 8 pounds. But that 3.5 GPA was more than worth it. I’ve been so busy between work and searching for a new car I want to drown myself in the nearest bag of cheez-Its, chug Nyquil and sleep for 90+ hours. For those of you that didn’t know, I went to PCB for spring break and I left part of my soul (dignity) in Florida. I had typed up a whole spread about NYE (lets not relive that) but seeing as how that was 5 months ago, that’s old news. I moved and got a brand new house, whatever. I haven’t been fired from my job yet so I guess I’m still winning at life. I’ve been talking to the same amazing guy for 6 months, which is a miracle all in itself; bless your heart for having to deal with me.

Here recently I’ve been playing around with some new recipes that I found and I’ll be doing a review of them.

New TANNINNG LOTTTIIONNSSS are here and I’ll tell what’s good, what’s not so good and which ones you should buy.

Let the record be stated that getting a passport is the most frazzling thing, because who the fuck knew that you would have to pay $200 for them to put YOUR information into a little book? Whatever. I’m going to Bermuda in a month, so bye. Hopefully I don’t get abducted into the sex trade, get lost in the triangle or die. YOU BETTER FUCKING PRAY FOR ME.

Until next time, xoxo

TTG

Twitter gays.

One thing that I can’t stand about the gay community is that everyone knows everything about you, even people you don’t know. Like bitch if my dick size is so important for you to know just DM me an I’ll tell you, I mean apparently I show everyone anyway. Like what the fuck ever, you have a penis, I have a penis lets not act like it’s something neither of us haven’t seen before. My sex life (or lack there of) doesn’t include you, unless my penis has been inside of you or I’ve shown you personally, mind your own. If you’re that concerned about what’s in my pants then you must want it inside of you anyway.

Like it’s okay for someone to hookup with 19 guys but me sending a dicture to someone is a huge fiasco. I’m almost positive that there are more important things for you to be concerned with other than me or my penis.

XOXO, Fuck you.
TTG.

Fuck you, (not literally).

IMG_2047 copyDear, Tan Bastards (my nickname for all of you that read my blog or follow me on twitter <3)

The bitch is back. It’s been entirely too long and I apologize (actually I don’t, it just seemed appropriate). So whats new? Don’t care, but I’ve been well, I haven’t had sex with randos let alone anyone lately, I’ve just been busy with personal shit, work and school (crying) and that’s pretty much it. Get ready for regular blog updates and even more relatable posts. Sit back (go lay in a tanning bed you pale fuck) and get your iPhone ready to read my blog.

Xoxo,

TheTanGay.