Who the fuck am I?

Photo on 10-23-13 at 5.18 PM #4

Well hello motha fuckas and welcome to the best blog you’ll ever read (you can thank me later). Well first off I’m TheTanGay. And quite frankly, I’m better than you, (kidding) I’m not just a bitch I am the tannest bitch you’ll ever come across. Like, anyone who’s anyone knows who I am, and if you don’t, you must’ve been living under a rock or something. Seriously. I’m cocky, because I can back it up. I’m tan and I don’t care what you say. I’m the HBIC of everything that is anything, I know what you’re thinking, “He’s a complete psycho and I hate him.” Well actually I am. And I hate myself more than you already do. But just don’t think and accept the crazy psycho that I am.

Hopefully, (or not, I don’t really care) you’ll be able to learn a little something from my blog and me. I’ll give you helpful hints to deal with all the ugly that is your face, give you inspiration for the days when you want it (and probably should just let it) all to end, and pictures of me for your viewing pleasure. You’re welcome.

The idea of blogging is something I’ve wanted to do for a while now, (but have been too lazy) because I have a lot of things to talk about. I mean apparently people listen to me, idk? “RAHN STAPH IT, YOURE TRAMATIZING MEH” is most likely the phrase ill scream at you when you’re not giving me the attention (just constant texts and phone calls), I deserve. I’ve probably convinced you from either twitter, insta, with food (if you’re a BFF) or tumblr to be here, so put down the self-tanner and walk away from the Taco Bell (your hips will thank me later) and be prepared to read about none other than, ME! I mean that’s the only reason you’re here.

1.Where do you live?

I live in West Virginia. SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE. I know I know, don’t remind me and let’s not talk about it. It basically should be blown up or they should put a fence around the entire state and use it as a facility for ugly people and prisoners or something, idk.

2.Why don’t you have a boyfriend?

Well for some reason boys don’t like me? And if they do they just want to have “the sex” with me and be done. Personally my whore phase is long over. (As if) I’m just looking for something a little more than sex. Possibly marriage but lets just start with tequila.

3.What is your blog going to be about?

What’re you saying about? But seriously, I’m going to blog about Mean girls, awkward encounters, tanning (obviously), sex, men, diets (not eating), everything you’re doing wrong in your life, everything I’m doing wrong in my life, clothes, exercising and of course me. Duh. Basically everything I see and or hear I’ll put in my blog. It is after all, my blog. I’m just going to keep it light and casual, because like a period the least amount of reading, the better.

Just think of me as your personal trainer, the one you hate but hates you back even more. The one who will tell you that your thighs are touching or that you need to run an extra 7 miles. (kidding betch) Just sit back, let me take control (this isn’t my first time) and enjoy your non-fat soy latte. We all know you’re at Starbucks anyway, because that’s totally the rules of feminism.

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