This topic is a little touchy. I mean I’ve only had like 3 boyfriends and I’m currently single, so what the fuck do I know? WELLLLLLL as a matter of fact, I know a whole fucking lot about this particular subject. Just hold your iPhone in one hand and your venti chai in the other and read my blog and stfu.
1. DON’T CHEAT EVER, even if there is a fire. You might think it was an accident but in all reality you knew exactly what you were doing. I’m all too familiar with this subject so let me throw a little history at you, my first boyfriend after not even a week of losing my virginity to him cheated on me, with a cop (haha he was fat and old), then proceeded to nonchalantly tell me 3 days later like it wasn’t a big deal (I cried, eww right) I might have drove to campus and made a scene and maybe I’m a psycho. THESE ARE FACTS PEOPLE I CANT LIE. It’s a blog, that’s like against the rules or something idk. Either way I was in love with the kid and in the early years I actually had a heart and I just realized like a year ago I’m a natural born psycho. ENNNYTWAYYY it does take an emotional toll on the other person and they lose all trust for them. Plus why cheat when you can have sex with me when legit ever you want to, except after taco bell AINT NOBODY GOT THE TIME.
2. COMMUNI-FUCKING-CATON. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship, besides bomb ass sex. BECAUSE BITCH, dick too bomb. I mean if I can’t tell you how I’m feeling or I’ve had a bad day while I’m riding you then what’s the point of dating? I mean FWB (Friends with benefits) was cool like 3 years ago but I need a little more stability.
3. ATTENTION. You better fucking give it all to me and no one else because I will find out, just like I found out you favorited that hot guys tweet 40 seconds ago. I KNOW EVERYTHING; don’t ever underestimate me because when you do I’ll pull some Kim Possible shit and you’ll be looking like Ron Stoppable. I just require constant texting and maybe a cute text or 30 a day, I’m really not that complicated.
4.HONESTY. NIGGA IS U SERIOUS RIGHT NOW, you better tell me who he is, what’s his name, I KNOW YOURE SLEEPING WITH HIM. Just kidding but seriously. Just tell me everything, honesty goes right along with communication, be honest and open. I don’t care if you’re pooping or fisting a cow just tell me. I like when you tell me what you’re doing instead of finding out via twitter.
5. YOUR IPHONE IS NOW A WEPHONE. “If he’s hiding his phone, he’s hiding something from you.” – Garrett I mean I’m not the psycho bf that needs to have constant control over your phone when I cant even get control of my own. But if I want to look at it for something like idk the weather or your pictures or MAYBE YOUR MESSAGES I expect you to just be like “okay babe.”
These are just a few of my feelings on relationships, if you’re not already a psycho you will be after reading this. LOVE PEACE AND MOTHA FUCKIN CHICKEN GREASE.