YOU FUGLY SLUT.

Since today is Wednesday and I’m sure your week, much like mine, has been hectic and busy thus far, if you’re anything like me then you haven’t been keeping up with eating right let alone washing your face how you should. Well WAKE THE FUCK UP and go eat some egg whites and get in the shower (we all know you haven’t had one in like 2 days). Your face is kind of important, I mean it’s the first thing people see when they meet you, unless you’re a male stripper, then well, that’s a different story. Since tanning is damaging to your skin, you’re going to need a great skin care line up to prevent wrinkles, early signs of aging and it’s just good for your skin in general. I personally use Clinique, it’s what works best for me. My skin is honestly very basic (pun intended); it’s not too oily nor too dry (the lady at the Clinique bar will help you pick out the right combination because there are about 7 variants to each step). I also use in conjunction with the Clinique, my Clairsonic. PRAISE JESUS YAAAASSS. It was a little pricey, around $200, but I would trade my first-born child for another one. My face feels so clean and my blackheads, YES I HAVE THEM ON MY NOSE AND CHEEKS OKAY, are starting to diminish and plus it gets the face wash deeper into your pores.

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First step: Scrub off the regret. But be gentle (I don’t use this everyday just once or twice a week).

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Step two: Wash that shit.

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Step three: Tone bitch, tone.

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Step four: Wrinkles aka don’t fucking look at me.

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Step five: Hydration. Just like you or me, for example, your skin gets D-hydrated. I’m talking about moisturizing (or am I). AKA lube the fuck out of your face.

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After everything has dried and your skin has thoroughly absorbed the skin care products, your face is ready and ample to withstand whatever you throw at it. Whether it be baking it in a tanning bed or just facing the day head on. I mean come on, we’re dudes and we don’t get make up so if your face is ugly, you’re fucked. And for those days when your face is dry (much like your sex life) or you have time to kill and want a little pick me up. Getting a facial is always obligatory. Now you can run off and get one at a salon, but those can be expensive (so just use mom’s credit card, duh) or you can do it at home. Some of the face masks that I use are from Clinique but I also use some from Target #PoorCollegeKidProbs.

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Scrub off the boys from last night.

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After those long nights of partying, (drinking your body weight in alcohol) being a slut and having a walk of shame, you need to give your skin a refresh. Just grab a towel, a body scrub (that I’m about to show you how to make) and sit down in the shower and reevaluate your life (or don’t). First off I love scrubs. Body scrubs, face scrubs basically all kinds of scrubs. Okay I’m obsessed, I guess I like the way they make my skin feel I don’t really know but, its an unhealthy obsession to say the least.  I dare you to judge me on my own blog (actually I don’t care). I was reading the ingredients in one of the scubs my mom uses and it said sea salt, coconut oil, vitamin E, and essence of coconut. Now the price tag said $60.00, so naturally I wanted to use it. But instead I put my crafty hat on and I brain stormed the fuck out of how to make it (Google obviously). Now I like sugar scrubs, salt scrubs make my skin feel dry. So anyway I found out how to make it, I just changed the salt to sugar. Literally the easiest thing ever and it was super cheap like 10 dollars if that and it all just depends on the ingredients you pick. Another scrub that I use, not that often because it stinks lol, is a face scrub that eases the appearance of scars and evens out your skin in general. In high school I had acne, who didn’t? (Accutane fixed mine lol) so I had scars on my face and instead of spending a dickload of money on micro (my parents wouldn’t pay for it because it was “too expensive”) I chose something organic and a whole lot cheaper. It’s made from honey, sugar, green tea, lemon and apple cider vinegar. They’re both super simple to make but the one for your face has to be refrigerated. Weird I know but whatever, JUST LISTEN TO ME.

COCONUT LIME (Body scrub)

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Ingredients
:

  • 1/2 cup coconut oil (softened)
  • 1 cup raw sugar
  • 1/2 tsp vitamin E
  • 1/2 tsp of lime juice
  • Zest from half a lime
  • Optional: Lime and/or coconut scented oils

Directions:

  • Place oil, sugar, vitamin E and lime zest in a bowl.  Stir to combine, and if desired, add additional coconut oil to reach desired consistency.  Add lime and/or coconut scented oils to smell. Put in a sealable jar and that’s it.
  • When in the shower just rub everywhere and wash it off, it you have a greasy feeling, its okay just stand in the shower for a few minutes and your skin will absorb the oil.

GREEN TEA LEMON HONEY FACIAL (Facial scrub)

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Ingredients:

  • 1 tsp of organic apple cider vinegar
  • 2 tsps of prepared green tea
  • a few drops of lemon juice
  • 7 tsps of sugar
  • 1 tsp of organic honey

Directions:

  • Place vinegar, green tea, lemon juice, sugar and honey in a small or medium bowl. Stir to combine, and if desired add more sugar if the consistency is too runny or more green tea if its to stiff.
  • With this one, rub in circular motions for a few minutes and after just let it sit on your skin about 10 minutes or so then rinse it off. Store any unused mixture in a small glass jar with screw top in the refrigerator.

Lotion update

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It’s nearing the end of the year, and for a tanning consultant that means lotions. I have in my salon two of the newest 2014 lotions, called Elusive and Adore. These lotions smell so good, I like Adore better. These are the two newest ones besides the Kardashian Iced Bronzer. But expect more Lotion Updates because more and more lotions will definitely be coming soon.

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Elusive:

  • Breakthrough 50X Bronzing combines the technologies of 3 tanning processes: Immediate Bronzing, Melanin Activating Bronzing, and Delayed Bronzing—to provide ultimate color development.
  • TanEntice Elixir™ designed to work scientifically with the 50X bronzer by utilizing an Amino Acid to increase the production and distribution of Melanin in the skin.
  • ChronoReset™Anti-Aging Synchronization when used in addition to UV light it can help to restore your Circadian Clock, improve skin’s function, appearance, and hydration. It also serves as a precursor to production of Vitamin D.
  • Time Release Fragrance provides a long lasting effect to leave everyone you meet with a memory of your signature scent.

IMG_0179Adore:

  • Limitless Tanning Complexe™ features Dopa, a Melanin precursor, which helps activate the tanning process and eliminate restrictions on dark color potential
  • MelanINK™ Bronzer, a natural form of Melanin, helps promote darker color, while Quicksun™ Color Tint provides instant streak-free color with a matte finish for added dimension
  • Skin Activated Moisture™ Technology features a unique conditioning system that melts at skin temperature to provide a moisturized, luxurious feel
  • Mega Magical Silicone Emulsion provides maximum hydration and protection while imparting skin with a velvety soft finish to leave skin looking as good as it feels

And remember using lotion when you’re tanning is 40% of your color and it helps to keep your skin moisturized. So use lotion for a better looking tan, because well I said so.